A Hard Pill to Swallow


Roman and I took Chazz along with us to play Folf at the park with some friends yesterday. (Folf= frisbee golf. I don’t know who came up with it or why…)

It didn’t take long for me to realize that throwing a folf disk 150 yards with a baby at the hip is IMPOSSIBLE! So Chazz and I headed to the playground.

*Side Note*
I sometimes feel out of place there… I get “side eyed” a lot because
1. Most moms there are twice my age and
2. I still look 16.
So I headed straight for the swings…

I was in need of some cuddles so I just kept Mister Chazz in the sling and hopped on the swing. And just as I thought, he loved it!

It was so nice to hear him laughing. It is a relief for me to see him happy. The last couple days have been hard for me, knowing that he may have limited vision. I’m sick with anxiety, and have too many unanswered questions. It has been a hard pill to swallow.

I keep thinking that he might miss out on all the beauty around him.

Just swinging there, with my son giggling into my chest, was a beautiful moment. It made me realize that he doesn’t have to see perfectly to enjoy the world around him. He has been a happy, sweet, bright baby since day one. He is a spitfire like his momma, and I hope he won’t let anything stand in his way.

That moment with you is possibly my favorite so far…

Chazz,
My hopes for you are high, as is my pride. Mom can’t help but want the best for you. I will try to get through this week in one piece. I want to be your strength when you need it. I want to know all of the answers. I am always in control, but this week has been, and still is, totally out of my hands… But I will fight hard to find answers and pray for strength. You are my handsome, smart, tough little man with a wonderful life ahead of you. Daddy and I will stop at NOTHING but the best for you and love you more than you will ever know!
All of my love,
Mom

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