A Strange And Unnerving Feeling


Roman and I went out last night.
On a date.
Without El Bebe.
For the second time.
EVER…

I really didn’t realize how absurd that sounds until I said it out loud. He is almost 6 months old. Aside from 1-2 hour adventures (mostly when my two besties kidnap me in my spit-up stained pj’s…), I have gone out without him TWICE!!

Is that some sort of complex??

The first time was my 21st birthday. Chazz was 2 months old, and I was not ready, to say the least. A friend watched him while we went to the bar with Roman’s family. I tried not to worry because I knew he was safely snuggled in a bestie’s arms. But my stomach was in knots and my anxiety was in high gear. Even after a drink. I broke down and called 45 minutes into what was supposed to be an evening of “bar hopping.” I went to one…. and hurried home to snuggle!
My Mom had him that night while we had friends over, but after a couple hours away, I was in a panic, and ready to have him there. Granted, he was only 2 months old, so I didn’t expect to be completely comfortable without him.

And last night was the second time. We went to the opening night of EVIL DEAD for a friend’s birthday. And this little momma thought ahead! My mom watched him at our house so I could see him the moment we got home. I know, right?! But I made it through the play and even did a little celebrating after. But it didn’t take long for the nervous ball in my chest to start pulling on my heart-strings… But I made it 5 hours without him. And I even had fun!

Part of me is starting to wonder if this is a problem! Or I’m just weaning myself from him. Slowly. It is a strange and unnerving feeling to be somewhat without him. Five hours isn’t even a full work day! I don’t know how workin’ mommas do it. I’m sure I would run home to my baby at lunch, and never come back! I mean, when somebody is in your belly for nine months kicking the crap out of your ribs, you really get attached! It should take about that long to feel comfortable away from him, right?

Or will I ever feel ok without him by my side??

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: