Day Three: Beautiful Disaster

The first two days of dropping Chazz off at daycare (and the whole daycare experience, really…) went a lot better than I had anticipated.

But morning number three? Was a disaster.

Chazz is too smart for his own my good. He knew the moment we pulled up exactly where we were and why.

And friends? He stuck to me like Velcro. Like super glue. Like white on rice…

And my boy was NOT letting go of me for dear life. He clung to my leg and cried a pitiful cry.

Insert panic.

I was already running late. My mind was a little more than flustered, and leaving Chazz there knowing he was crying would have made me feel aweful.

The look on his little face was heartbreaking. He has it down to an art. And I could have caved right then and there, called in to work, and spent the day cuddling, yet full of guilty.

I think the sitter knew I was on the verge of something, so she swept his cute little butt right up and distracted Chazz with a toy car.

Just long enough for me to sneak right out the door and off to work like a good girl!

And when I came to pick him up at the end of the day? He was right on her lap, snuggled in, watching a movie. (You know, he never sits still to cuddle with me… Sigh, toddlerhood)

And just when I thought I had been replaced… He walked across the room and right into this Mama’s arms.

And all of the panic and guilt I held in all day was instantly lifted. Gone.

Just a proud mama and her little man!

I think this is all going to work out just fine.

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So…

Quick update:

Chazz and I both lived through his first day of daycare.

There were no breakdowns on my half, although at one point I thought I would lose it if I didn’t go get him, so I picked him up a little early. 🙂

Chazz only cried for a couple minutes after I left. (yes, I stood outside and listened…) But Emily had Chazz back to laughing in no time.

He even napped for her for over an hour and a half. Ya, I’m a little jealous! But of course, they always do stuff like that for everyone but their parents, right?!

Emily reported that Chazz ate like a champ while he was there, napped well, and got along with the other little boy.

She did mention that he hated having his diaper changed. (why yes, yes he does!) so I gave her a tip to let him stand up during or chase him around afterwards.

Silly boy, he has never been o e to sit through an entire diaper change.

Overall, I think it went great.

Chazz seemed comfortable… Emily seemed comfortable… I left feeling somewhat comfortable…

And I would call that a success!

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Daycare Isn’t A Crime, I’m Just A Coward

Chazz Man will be heading on an adventure all his own Wednesday. He starts his first day of “daycare.”

{I prefer the term “nanny.” Because it sounds less scary. Like I’m not dropping my kid off with someone I only barely know. The anxiety is GETTING TO ME.}

In related news: Mommy is going to have a breakdown tomorrow. I try not to ::hyperventilate:: when I think about it but COME ON!!

There is most likely a tear-filled panic attack in my new future.

I didn’t exactly picture someone else taking care of my kiddo.
But we have to make this work.

We like the idea that Chazz won’t be at some drop-off center with a bunch of runny-nosed/obnoxious/distracting/sickly/bad-mannered/GERMY! kids.

::hyperventilation::

This seems like a better fit for us.

It’s just Chazz, “Emily,” and another little 3 year old boy.

Cozy. I like cozy.

And the fact that he cried, no, BAWLED when we left her home after the interview makes me feel a little better.

At least he likes her. Right?

::hyperventilation::

My list, in preperation? Is a mile long.

Extra this. Extra that. A favorite toy. A NANNY CAM.

Okay I’m a little kidding about that last one. Just know that if I had one handy… I would totally use it…
I’ll just have to re-park my car and peek in the windows…

Okay, again, mostly kidding.
Emily seemed great with Chazz. Playful, attentive, nurturing.
Second-best to yours truly.

And she is willing to help potty train when the time comes… SCORE!

All in all, this is almost like one big leap of faith for us. (Chazz just thinks it’s one big playdate lol. “Ooh! New Toys!”)

On one hand, I know he will be safe and in good hands. But on the other, he isn’t safe unless he is in MY good hands… Ya know?

Oh the internal conflict that comes with motherhood. You all should have warned me.!.

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Chazz’s Theatrical Debut

This past Wednesday, Chazz, Roman, and I were a part of our church’s Christmas play. (for those of you wondering why we would have a Christmas play in January, the church season doesn’t end on Christmas.)

A big part actually, Chazz had the honor of being baby Jesus, and Roman and I were Joseph and Mary.

I was so worried how Chazz would do, because One Year Olds and sitting still? Can be a challenge! But he was our little champ through it all. He even put up with being swaddled for the part.

And our favorite part?

At one point, all of the Angels came out to sing and Chazz decided that he was going to sing right along with them!

Our kiddo, who sometimes talks but prefers to sign, was SINGING.

Not only was it freakin adorable, but it was a moving moment.

Is this a taste of what is to come? Is Chazz destined for rockstar-dom?

We think so.

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Squeeze The Lemons And Hand Me The Vodka

12:34pm From The Car

Half an hour until court, and I am one bundle of nerves. I’m normally so confident. But right now? You’d think I was facing death row or something.
My tummy is a huge knot. And all sorts of bubbly. Not good.

I know this shouldn’t be a big deal. It really isn’t. But I’m worried about if we don’t win. Will they take my dog away? Where will we get the money to pay the vet bill AND the court fees? With Roman being laid off and Chazz’s medical bills, even with pinching every penny, we still don’t break even most months.

Worry worry worry. Aaagh! But it will be okay. And over!

“It will be okay in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end.”

Man I love that quote.

I just hope it will go our way. And it will truly be The End.

——————————————-

3:40 From My Comfy Chair

Well. It’s over. We lost. But… I’m alive! And it’s over!

I won’t bore you with lamesauce details, but basically we said we would pay the vet bill, and still have to.

In order to get our deposit back, we have to file a seperate claim (or had filed a counter claim) to sue for our deposit.

Which at this point I don’t even wanna bother! All of that extra time and effort would be best used with Chazz Man.

And it’s over and done with {whew!} and the stress of it all can just go away with it!

😀

Now where’s my lemonaid??

Effing Eff. And Blood Work

Chazz’s blood work came back. Not normal. Low levels of growth hormone. Which would help explain why he’s in the 2nd percentile.

They’re going to “keep tabs.”

(Gee, fucking thanks.)

I don’t know what this means. For him. For us. For anything.

All I know is that I don’t want to talk about it. Or deal with anymore of this Optic Nerve Hypoplasia bullshit.

For now, it’s just snuggle time with my handsome little peanut. My pen and notebook to vent. And a nice bottle of wine Roman picked up for me.

Oh, and a pillow. To scream into. And possible smother myself in… I don’t know yet.

*Sorry for the fowl language. I try not to swear in public. Tonight? I just don’t care anymore.*

The Working Mom: Part 2

This past week has been a whirlwind. Of activities. Of emotions. Of everything!

I’m enjoying being a working mom (for the most part!) and all the things that come with it. Like adult interaction and conversation. Money is nice. And being surrounded by designer labels doesn’t hurt either!

It’s hard to leave him every morning, but it is getting easier. And I appreciate my “Stay At Home Mom Days” that much more. It is hard to be on my feet all day, and then come home and put on my Supermom cape. I’m worn out, tired, and maybe even a little grumpy somedays. {who, me??} But I’m adjusting and I hope I won’t be a zombie forever 🙂

The only things that have me a little down, aren’t so bad I guess. We decided to give him formula during the days I am at work. I neve thought The F-Word would creep into our lives, and Chazz’s belly, but it ended up being the easiest for all involved. I do pump and dump to keep my supply up, and boy is it hard to pour that “liquid gold” out! I’m trying not to feel guilty about not exclusively nursing him to One like I planned. But hey, nothing really goes as planned, does it?!

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post, but this is all a big change, and my mind is still transitioning! So bear with me, as I try to fit it all in, and find time to blog as well.

And, as always, any advice is much appreciated! So if you have “been there, done that” help a mama out.


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