Day Three: Beautiful Disaster

The first two days of dropping Chazz off at daycare (and the whole daycare experience, really…) went a lot better than I had anticipated.

But morning number three? Was a disaster.

Chazz is too smart for his own my good. He knew the moment we pulled up exactly where we were and why.

And friends? He stuck to me like Velcro. Like super glue. Like white on rice…

And my boy was NOT letting go of me for dear life. He clung to my leg and cried a pitiful cry.

Insert panic.

I was already running late. My mind was a little more than flustered, and leaving Chazz there knowing he was crying would have made me feel aweful.

The look on his little face was heartbreaking. He has it down to an art. And I could have caved right then and there, called in to work, and spent the day cuddling, yet full of guilty.

I think the sitter knew I was on the verge of something, so she swept his cute little butt right up and distracted Chazz with a toy car.

Just long enough for me to sneak right out the door and off to work like a good girl!

And when I came to pick him up at the end of the day? He was right on her lap, snuggled in, watching a movie. (You know, he never sits still to cuddle with me… Sigh, toddlerhood)

And just when I thought I had been replaced… He walked across the room and right into this Mama’s arms.

And all of the panic and guilt I held in all day was instantly lifted. Gone.

Just a proud mama and her little man!

I think this is all going to work out just fine.

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I’ve Got A Mom Crush

As funny as it may sound, it’s true.

I have a total Mom Crush on a mom who comes into the boutique with her son. Not only does she have the custest style I’ve ever seen, but “Sonya” and “Max” are always in a bright mood.

And she is like my parenting muse.

I get butterflies when she comes in. I love seeing he with her young boy. And I know I will pick up a few parenting tips and even have a laugh or two!

Yes, I watch and take note of moms and dads I admire, my mind is always taking notes.

The way she parents her son appeals me. He seems so content and confident to play on his own, occasionally looking around to make sure his mom is close and he is still ok. At which point Sonya usually smiles and nods at him to let him know that he is.

It’s a beautiful thing.

And heartwarming to watch and learn from. All of her hard work as a loving, caring, teaching parent paying off.

The kind of parents Roman and I work to be.

Is it weird for me to be taking motherhood notes? I would never do it in a judgemental way, or to make comparisons to prove myself better. Only to pick up ideas on what I do and don’t want to be as a parent.

Am I the only one with a “parenting muse?” Or is there a mom or dad that you admire as well?

I hope I am not alone. I want to be the best mama I can be for Chazz. I constantly strive towards that. I’ve never done this before, so soaking up the knowledge and the examples of mothers around me has been an awesome way to help navigate this thing called motherhood.

After all, Chazz never came with a handbook!

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It Will All Be Ok, Okay

As I cuddled him to sleep in the silent dark of our room, I had the most beautiful moment with our son tonight.

When I put Chazz to bed, I always have an overwhelming love-ness feeling for him. Like tight-chest-proud-grin. Because he is just so darn cute! The faces, the coos, the tossing and turning.

But tonight it was extra special.

Somewhere in the rise and fall of his chest and mine. Somewhere between both of our hearts beating. (The only thing you could hear in the silent dark.) He was calm. All was calm.

The wall heater switched on, startling him somewhat half-awake. Chazz rolled himself around, trying to drift back to sleep. He would both whimper and coo. He could barely keep his eyes open and looked completly exhausted. Yet couldn’t fall asleep.

A lot like how I have been feeling. My mind has been exhausted, but yet it can’t settle down.

He kept fighting it. Shifting. Trying to get comfortable. He rubbed his eyes and cried out a little. He pulled at his hair.

And then, just like that, he rolled over pulling his favorite blankie in close, and passed out just as quickly as he had awoken.

I watched his little chest rise and fall and him drift into a deep sleep. He looked in complete bliss.

It is in that moment that I realized that it will all be ok.

It will all be ok.

Just like Chazz, we’ve been startled. An awakening. And it’s been a little overwhelming, a little exhausting. But fighting it is even more so. I have got to stop fighting it, and just let it be.

Let it be just as peaceful as it ever was.

God gave us Chazz. And wouldn’t give us anything that we couldn’t handle. And as overwhelming and discouraging as it is, somewhere inside is the strength I have been praying for. ❤

Now it's my turn to "sleep like a baby!"

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11 Months Old!

Tick tock, huh?! We’re almost through this much-cherished First Year. Just 30 short days from now, we will have a one year old on our hands.

And I don’t wanna talk about it.

If this is any indication of how fast time flies after having children, then we better not blink or he’ll be 20!

Can’t we just cuddle your little newborn-ness one more time? Or be engulfed with your baby smell like when you were little-little? (that smell is quickly fading.) I look back on old photos (I’m looking back?? on OLD photos? already??) and seeing your teeny peanut body, and wondering when you got so big. Or how “long” your hair was then.

I look back on old blog posts about first colds and milestones I never thought would come, and wonder where the time has gone. Now you are working on a lot of “seconds” and pushing through milestones like a crazy man. Stop it!! You’re making me nervous.

With One quickly approaching, I keep thinking about the year ahead. You’ll be on your way to Two. Doing big boy things. Do I have to stop calling you my baby? Because I’m almost certain you will always be that 7 pound squirmy tank of a baby to me.

And I might still sneek in to peek at you sleeping, you little angel. I find myself tip-toeing in just as much as ever. To watch your little chest rise and fall with each breath. To admire your cute button nose in the moonlight. To giggle about how you are laying, stretched out over an entire queen bed. (how do you do that, seriously.) I sneek back out bursting with joyful pride, and feeling a little empty at the same time. Proud that you don’t need me right there anymore to sleep. But empty that you don’t NEED me right there.

What a strange, conflicted feeling…

Just stay little forever?

~~10 Month Stats~~
Diaper size: 3
Clothing size: Mostly 12M.
Sleeping: Since weaning, worse then better.
Eating: Well, we are partially weaned from the boob juice to formula and lots of foods. He loves plain old cereal and tried his first soup.
Fave toy: Any not-toys he can find!
Fave thing to do: Push a diaper box across the living room to help him walk. O.o
Latest milestones: Holding his own bottle.
Babbling: Dada, DaDD!, Mama, Ggg. We think “Sch.Hazzz” and “DahhK” mean “Chazz” and “Dog” We think…
Tooth Count: 8. More than any baby I know! No new sightings…
I look forward to: The Big One. Early attempts at walking. Words!

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The Working Mom: Part 2

This past week has been a whirlwind. Of activities. Of emotions. Of everything!

I’m enjoying being a working mom (for the most part!) and all the things that come with it. Like adult interaction and conversation. Money is nice. And being surrounded by designer labels doesn’t hurt either!

It’s hard to leave him every morning, but it is getting easier. And I appreciate my “Stay At Home Mom Days” that much more. It is hard to be on my feet all day, and then come home and put on my Supermom cape. I’m worn out, tired, and maybe even a little grumpy somedays. {who, me??} But I’m adjusting and I hope I won’t be a zombie forever 🙂

The only things that have me a little down, aren’t so bad I guess. We decided to give him formula during the days I am at work. I neve thought The F-Word would creep into our lives, and Chazz’s belly, but it ended up being the easiest for all involved. I do pump and dump to keep my supply up, and boy is it hard to pour that “liquid gold” out! I’m trying not to feel guilty about not exclusively nursing him to One like I planned. But hey, nothing really goes as planned, does it?!

I don’t really know where I’m going with this post, but this is all a big change, and my mind is still transitioning! So bear with me, as I try to fit it all in, and find time to blog as well.

And, as always, any advice is much appreciated! So if you have “been there, done that” help a mama out.

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The Working Mom

Ok, a quick post before bed! Today was my first day back to work as a mom. After 9 months of staying home with my Little Man, nine! {can I just say that again? Didn’t we just bring him home?} NINE MONTHS!

I was more than a little nervous to be away from my Velcro Baby. But this morning, I put on my big girl panties, packed up my pump {oh yay…}, and headed to my new job.

And let me tell ya, it went a lot better than I thought. Eight hours flew by. Pumping wasn’t as dreadful as I expected. And Roman brought Chazz by on my lunch break, so I got to see him and snuggle for a few.

And rumor has it, Chazz was a bucket full of sunshine for his Daddy today. Other than refusing a bottle at first and having to run home for more diapers, Roman said the day went smoothly. Music to a mama’s ears!

I’m so glad that they had a good day together. I didn’t want Chazz to feel suddenly abandoned, or Roman to feel overwhelmed. And neither of those things happened.

I just hope I don’t miss any cool milestones or cute faces…

As hard as it was to be away, the perma-smile on Chazz’s face when I got off made it all ok. Well, mostly.

And now it’s time for us to cuddle up in bed and enjoy some snuggles.

Because this Mama works in the morning!

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A Walk In The Park

I love being a stay at home mom!
I love spending the day with Chazz, helping him learn about and explore the world around him. We do a lot of playing and taking pictures, but since Roman has been back to work, it’s harder to get out of the house. We are a one car family (ugh, again} and somedays I am stuck at home with no car. So I make the best of days when Chazz and I drop Daddy off at work!

It was finally nice out, I finally had the car, and we were determined to spend the day outside!

We went to church with my Momma, and joined in on the ice cream social after. Isn’t he cute in his little summer hat?! And it was the first time Chazz needed his sunscreen : )

After church, we had a nice coffee-brunch with a friend. Chazz even got his hands on my (mostly empty) frappé and I’m pretty sure he got a lick O.O
All three of us headed to browse a local arts fair. Chazz napped in the sling while we enjoyed the amazing art and jewelery. (I want this onesie and thisand these earrings!)

Later that afternoon, Chazz and I finished up some shopping at Target (my guilty pleasure!) and headed to a park to picnic and wait for Daddy to get off work. I love these pics I snapped. Isn’t he precious??

These moments are what make being a SAH mom so amazing! And its simply going by too fast…

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